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Joke of the Day

"""Bob's coming over"" Bob from work or Bob who thinks he's a cop? *knock on door* OPEN UP, POLICE *flushing drugs down toilet* ""Bob from work"""

"[at restaurant trying not to let anyone know I'm a koala] Waiter: ""what can I get u?"" ""do u have any eucalyptus?"" *restaurant goes quiet*"

"Scientists just discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%... it's called 'wedding cake'"

"My X-gf has a really big heart. I have to give her that. She needs it, to pump all the ice water around."

"If you're making out with a Thai girl, what's the first thing you should ask yourself? Am I feeling nuts?"

"That's Odd. I can't even."

"As a CBT enthusiast I asked to see a dominatrix but she said she was too busy She put me on the grating list"

"Holocaust joke How do you get a jewish woman's number? You roll up her sleeve."

"Have you ever answered your own question? Why yes, I have!"

"Jose Mourinhio The Special One....... David Moyes The Chosen One..... Fellipe Scholari Seven One."