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Joke of the Day

"My X-gf has a really big heart. I have to give her that. She needs it, to pump all the ice water around."

"They say that a person's surname is named after whatever their ancestors did to make a living I feel sorry for the guy who's dad was the first person to be called ""Dickinson"""

"What language do lesbians speak? Gaelic."

"I already blamed 5 of my problems on Black Lives Matter, 7 on political correctness and 3 on the Ghostbusters reboot. Need more scapegoats."

"If you feel like someone is playing mind games with you, they totally are and you should kill them before they kill you."

"If you've watched even one episode of two and a half men... ...you're gonna need to go ahead and get yourself tested."

"What do Lady Gaga and E. L. James have in common? They both wrote bad romance."

"""The tension between Uranus... and Pluto hat has been there since June of 2012 will finally ease up"", Astrologist say."

"[spelling bee] ""your word is... death"" can you use it in a sentence? ""in most states, yes"""

"TV that gets louder to compensate for when you are chewing."