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Joke of the Day

"My X-gf has a really big heart. I have to give her that. She needs it, to pump all the ice water around."

"date: where did u get that, i don't see that on the menu me: (biting into my corn on the cob) i bring my own corn on the cob"

"When I die, I want to go out like my Grandfather... in his sleep... Not like the other passengers in his car!"

"In Gaza Strip... ...Kykes gas you!"

"Learning-disabled lions are called leotards, right? Anyway, when dancers ask you to drop off old ones for needy kids, DON'T! So much blood."

"INTERVIEWER: You put ""summoning demons"" as a special skill? ME: That's right. INTERVIEWER: *sweating profusely* When can you start?"

"Just heard this on a PBS kids show... What did one wolf say to the other wolf? Howls it going?"

"If you have a shitty job, you probably shouldn't lick your fingers at lunch time."

"Where do you keep microscopic criminals? In cells."

"If I was a smart thief, do you know what I would rob? A book store."