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Joke of the Day

"Jose Mourinhio The Special One....... David Moyes The Chosen One..... Fellipe Scholari Seven One."

"So I got a little drunk last night. I was out on my porch yelling ""Get off of my lawn!"" at my wife's yard gnomes."

"I need ideas for April fools day pranks to play on my SO"

"What is a nurse in the maternity ward's favorite kind of food? Delivery."

"Armadillos are quite expensive. They usually cost an arm and a leg."

"I'm getting a prescription for medical fellatio."

"I went shopping . . . I went to the supermarket to get some groceries. When I got to the dairy section, they only had one piece of cheese left. It was provolone."

"Wrestling is Stupid B1: Bro, Wrestling is stupid. B2: Why, Bro? B1: Men with no pants... Fighting for a belt... WTF?"

"Why do they evacuate women and children first? You can't fix shit with all that screaming and crying. (**Yes, you can evacuate people.** Check #2 here: http://www.dictionary.com/browse/evacuate)"

"So today my doctor told me I had to quit masturbating. I asked ""Why?"" He says ""Because I'm trying to examine you."""