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Joke of the Day

"[China] ""You have to get good grades"" KID: But it's so hard! ""We're Can-tonese not Cant-tonese"" KID: You gotta admit that's a bit confusing"

"Your love is like Vicodin. You take away my pain but make me sick to stomach afterwards and you're also white."

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? THATS NOT FUNNY!"

"Do you have a nose? Who nose? Courtesy of the ~6yo on my morning bus."

"COP:Do u know how fast u were going ME: The posted speed limit, 495 COP: Sir that's the route number, i don't even know how I caught up to u"

"Before we got married I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets."

"Why do people keep asking me what I'm going to be doing in three years? I don't have 2020 vision."

"Your cough turns me on ""That's sick."""

"Why can't single women fart Because they don't have an asshole until they're married."

"I got food poisoning... Not sure when I'm a gonna use it."