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Joke of the Day

"I did a theatrical performance on puns once... It was a play on words!!! Ba-dum-Ching!! (I'll let myself out now)"

"Who should have played Bilbo? Who should have played Bilbo Baggins in Lord of the Rings? Bruce Willis. Because old hobbits die hard."

"Me: Pull my finger. Doctor: Ok. [finger detaches] Me: AAAAHHHHH! Doctor: AAAAHHHHH!!! ME: haha j/k that's actually why I came in."

"Don't force funny huh? Well, I have funny tied to a chair in my basement and...unless we become fast friends... ...he's losing a knee cap."

"Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank Give a man a bank and he can rob the world."

"People think stage diving is dangerous, but not me. Because humans are made out of 95% water. So the audience is 5% away from being a pool."

"Did you guys hear about the man with the wooden leg named Smith? I don't think he named is other leg..."

"Why did the semen cross the road? because I put the wrong sock on this morning... :("

"Never using online dating again. Last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison. He meant prison."

"What does a stripper eat for thanksgiving dinner? Twerky"