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Joke of the Day

"Who should have played Bilbo? Who should have played Bilbo Baggins in Lord of the Rings? Bruce Willis. Because old hobbits die hard."

"Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She didn't wear a seatbelt."

"""How would you describe the woman who attacked you?"" *Describes mother* *Gets a copy of picture* *Gives it to mum as late birthday present*"

"*Signs into Facebook ""If you can't handle me at my worst you don't deserve me at my best"" is posted everywhere *Agrees *Deletes Facebook"

"How did the Hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool."

"What's high in the middle and round on both ends? Ohio."

"Dealer: You followed? Geologist: No man. Its cool. *dealer opens trenchcoat and metamorphic rocks fall out Geologist: Gneiss... Gneiss"

"Why arent the americans playing chess? ...they are missing two towers."

"Handsome Stranger: Excuse me, but you're.. Me: Gorgeous & you've been mustering up the courage to speak to me? HS: ..blocking the pickles."

"Everyone on Instagram has pics of them at places all over the world & I'm like here's another shot of me from a different angle on my sofa"