201320

Joke of the Day

"Me: Pull my finger. Doctor: Ok. [finger detaches] Me: AAAAHHHHH! Doctor: AAAAHHHHH!!! ME: haha j/k that's actually why I came in."

"*tries online dating* Oh...oh no *tries real life dating* Ok this is actually worse somehow"

"It's all fun and games until your iPhone is at 10% power."

"Maybe she's boing with it. Maybe it's trampoline."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? Don't be stupid, feminists can't change anything!"

"The Walmart app just updated on my phone and now water autocorrects to soda and exercise autocorrects to Doritos and beer."

"I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home."

"I was banging a retarded girl last night... She didn't want me to finish in her mouth, so I shot my load on the window and let nature take its course."

"Why did the stoner take his wife to court? He wanted to get joint custody."

"You Can Tune a Piano but You Can't Tuna Fish"