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Joke of the Day

"Just went too deep with a Q-Tip and now I can't do math."

"Chuck Norris opened the Ark of the Covenant and kept his eyes open. The Ark melted."

"Every time you say you're humble, I want to buy you a dictionary."

"Two men have been arrested for stealing a calender.. They both got six months."

"Make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you're doing it."

"What does Hillary Clinton's presidency and Bill Clinton's presidency have in common? They were both ruined by weiners."

"VOTERS: we want to give a boat a ridiculous name UK: no VOTERS: we want to break up the EU and trash the world economy UK: fine"

"HIM: My new girlfriend's name is ""Bella"". That means ""Beautiful"" in Italian. ME: It also means ""War"" in Latin...so good luck with that."

"So I asked my grandma I asked my grandma if she had ever tried 69. She said, ""No, but I have done 53 -- that's all the sailors I could screw in one night."""

"Why don't witches wear panties? Because they need to grip the broom!"