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Joke of the Day

"*holding my crying child* Me: I know, earthquakes are scary. So maybe next time you'll be good and I won't have to make that happen again."

"I'm not saying she's a slut, but she's been banged more than a snooze button on Monday morning."

"How do you tell if a girl is ticklish? You give her a test-tickle."

"I needed a password at least eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs..."

"Kinda scared for 2015 .. Kinda scared for 2015 because 2+0+1+5 is 8. The exact number of nipples Hitler would have if he had 6 more nipples."

"What Does an Old Lady's Vagina Taste Like? Depends."

"I'm writing a book about reverse psychology.. Please don't buy it."

"What's the difference between a 10 year old and a stripper? .... you better fuqing know you sick fuck!"

"Telemarketer: Are you a homeowner? Me: How big are your lips? Telemarketer: .... Me: Your lips. Are they huge? *click*"

"Dating is a lot like fishing Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod."