181995

Joke of the Day

"If I were Zorro, I'd hand out business cards with a Z on them. That way I wouldn't have to take my sword everywhere."

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"They should name American Pharoah's first offspring ""Regression to the Mean"" Because, you know, statistics."
"Sometimes I really want to throw paper at people. Brick shaped Paper. Made of brick."
"All new Hell's Kitchen tonight. Going to get into the spirit by hanging out in the kitchen and scream at my wife while she cooks dinner."
"Thank you to the Spanish public for. .. ...rallying round and providing new headlines."
"What do you call a dog with no back legs and metal balls? Sparky"
"Girls are like blackjack... Girls are like blackjack... I'm trying to go for 21 but I always hit on 14."
"just saw Gravity. excuse me while I go hug the earth."
"61% of internet traffic is from bots... ...the other 39% is Reddit users manically hitting refresh to check their upvotes on new posts"
"Why can't you fool an aborted baby? It wasn't born yesterday."