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Joke of the Day

"I purposely park three feet away from the drive thru window so Mcdonalds employees can get in their daily stretches."

"NHK reported on the massive American erection yesterday... and apparently there will be a bigger one in two years."

"A WASP LANDED ON MY BARE FOOT AND NOW I KNOW HOW TO RIVERDANCE."

"In this era of excessive exclamation point use, punctuating a text with a period is the quickest and simplest way to cause concern."

"Oh shit, my computer uses U.S. English. I wanted to 'save' the document but accidentally blew it up."

"[firetruck honks its obnoxiously loud horn] [goose in the distance hears it] ""Oh shit guys, that sounds like my wife. Gotta fly"""

"I don't know. ""Your goose is cooked"" seems like a positive. Like someone saying, ""Hey, dinner's ready. We're having goose."""

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer! I don't know what he laced them with, *but I have been tripping all day*."

"Where was the toothbrush invented? Alabama. Anywhere else it would have been called a *teeth*brush"

"What is the motto for the Epilepsy Research Society? Sieze the day"