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Joke of the Day
"On one hand, I want to stop masturbating but on the other hand, I have my penis..."
Next Joke
"* Runs Baywatch-style into oncoming traffic *"
"Why would the jewish cannibal eat you? For-Skin"
"What's the definition of a good actor? Somebody who tries hard to be everybody but himself."
"What do you call a Christian who visits shrines? A roamin' Catholic."
"People are always impressed to find out that I got my PhD at 17 but anything is possible if you work hard enough and lie."
"Tell my WiFi love her."
"For date night tonight I'm taking my wife out for a nice dinner at the Sam's Club sample tables."
"BEST ADVICE: Be happy in front of people who don't like you, it kills them."
"I guess I've cut back on my drinking... Time was, I'd buy a half gallon of bourbon and get drunk four times. Now I buy a half gallon and just get drunk twice."