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Joke of the Day

"What's thick, black, and over a foot long? My roommate's asian girlfriend's hair clogging the fucking shower drain."

"How many moths does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but more can join in if there's room in the lightbulb."

"You ate some space food? Why on earth would you do that?"

"If somebody at a party tells you they're a writer, get excited, hold up the nearest book, and ask, wide-eyed, ""DID YOU WRITE THIS?"""

"Sure... when Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer it's ""sexy"" and ""art"" But when I do it I'm ""drunk"" and need to ""get out of Home Depot"""

"Has anyone else's world ended yet? Mayan hasn't."

"Why couldn't C.P.E. Bach find his contemporary? He was Haydn."

"WAT DO WE WAMT ""woaw calm dowm dude"" WHEN DO WE WAMT IT ""u kno this is just a line to try ham sampels at costco right"""

"We were driving past the graveyard and my dad asks: ""Do you know why I can't be buried there?"" ""Why not?"" ""Because I'm not dead yet, Son."""

"""Dad, I'm suicidal."" ""Hi suicidal, I'm dad."""