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Joke of the Day

"You ate some space food? Why on earth would you do that?"

"What's the difference between a circus and a whore house? One has a cunning array of stunts."

"Just once, I'd ike a cop to pull me over and tell me how great I'm driving, especially considering I've had 12 beers."

"What does a gun, a fire extinguisher, and a condom have in common? Its better to have it and not need it, then to need it and not have it"

"The end of a relationship isn't the worst thing. It's worse when it doesn't end after the end."

"Daughter 1: Dad, I'm lesbian. Daughter 2: Dad, I'm also a lesbian. Father: Isn't there anyone in this family who likes dick? Son: Yeah dad, I do."

"Oxygen tried to pick a fight with Helium Helium didn't react at all, he simply rose above, Carbon was watching the whole thing and said, ""That's very noble of you"""

"How many moths does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but more can join in if there's room in the lightbulb."

"[ugly sweater contest] *starts sweating* *takes home the gold*"

"Calm down white moms on dish detergent commercials, no wife is EVER that excited about dishes. Ever."