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Joke of the Day

"Sure... when Miley Cyrus gets naked and licks a hammer it's ""sexy"" and ""art"" But when I do it I'm ""drunk"" and need to ""get out of Home Depot"""

"I wrote a Ricky Martin joke, but it was gay."

"How do Jewish pedophiles lure in victims? ""Would you like to buy a candy?"""

"What is a Catholic choir boy's favorite song? ""Can't Touch This"""

"The store sample lady just tried feeding me gluten-free donuts. I may need bail money. I don't remember much. But there's blood everywhere."

"Why are people giving something up for lint? I'm sweeping that shit up every day if you want some more."

"The one time when The Hulk farted... it was the fart that was heard around the world. I know, I know."

"Tear gas is the saddest gas."

"Have you heard the joke about the girl with Progeria? It got old pretty fast. (I know, it's awful)."

"Hey Ray Rice... What do you tell a fiance with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice."