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Joke of the Day

"I love the smell of moth balls, but I find it difficult to spread their tiny little legs."

"Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming."

"Don't you hate when somebody gives you the finger in traffic and then you have to follow them home and loosen the lug nuts on their wheels."

"An oldie but a goodie: What do Pink Floyd & Dale Earnhardt Sr. have in common? Their last biggest hit was The Wall"

"Why did the overweight actor fall through the theater floor? It was just a stage he was going through"

"I'm pretty sure I'm going to die without knowing what 95% of a scientific calculator is used for."

"Why did the cookie smoke weed? Because he wanted to get baked."

"What did the banana say to the vibrator? ""I don't know why you're shaking...she's gonna EAT me!"""

"My wife has disappeared... She's been missing a week now. The police said to prepare for the worst. So I went down to Goodwill and got all her clothes back."

"ME: I'll sleep on it. MATTRESS SALESMAN: Ok. ME: So wrap it up. I'd like to sleep on it tonight. MATTRESS SALESMAN: Oh, you want the... ok."