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Joke of the Day

"COP: Know why I stopped you? ""Drag racing?"" COP: Nope. ""Speeding?"" COP: Definitely not. ""Cuz I'm on a unicycle?"" COP: That's the one."

"I have but one greviance with the airplane pilots. Fantastic chaps, but good God, they're never grounded."

"Why come cats purr? It's your pussy's way of saying ""I love you."""

"So I started a charity last week. I donate headphones to black guys on public transportation. He was pissed."

"So a sloth got robbed by 3 turtles... When the cops asked him what happened the sloth said, It. all. happened. so. fast."

"What joke has recieved the most upvotes on Reddit? Redditors."

"I was fired my first day on the job as a food vendor at the ballpark. A man ordered a corn dog from me. He was not pleased when I returned from the pet store 20 minutes later with his new husky."

"What do you call a guy who can't get a word in edgewise during an argument? A ""moderator"", apparently."

"Some dude at ASU named Dean has me on his list. Honestly, I don't appreciate or understand it. Thinking about contacting the authorities."

"A paedophile, a sadist, and a Priest walk into a bar. He sits down and orders a drink."