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Joke of the Day

"Some dude at ASU named Dean has me on his list. Honestly, I don't appreciate or understand it. Thinking about contacting the authorities."

"What is Canadian graffiti like? Canadian graffiti be like, F WORD (sorry)"

"That amazing moment when you drop your phone but the headphones save its life."

"What do you call a former member of ISIS? WASWAS"

"The word of the day is legs... Lets go home and spread the word"

"if you can get a price tag onto a priceless jewel they have to sell it to you for that price, it's a simply trick that saves on heist work"

"Then they came for the bins, and I did not speak out, because I was not a bin man, and they were, and that was their job."

"*has argument with husband* *brings up all the dumb shit he said in 2011* *adds ""Historian"" to bio*"

"Chuck Norris' pulse is measured on the richter scale."

"How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 5 1 to hold the bulb and 4 to spin the ladder."