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Joke of the Day
"Dear Johnson & Johnson: Ejacu-lotion Please DM me for my address to send royalties checks."
Next Joke
"What did the Pink Panther say when he stepped on an ant? Dead ant. Dead ant. Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead ant, dead annnnnnnnttt."
"Every time I tell dad jokes He laughs"
"[crowded elevator] Alright I'm a little concerned about the capacity so let's all go around and say how much we weigh *gets out calculator*"
"Hey girl, are you bacteria? Because I know I need you but I have no idea why."
"What's the difference between a midget and a dwarf? Very little!"
"Why doesn't Smokey the Bear have any children? Because every time his wife gets hot he beats her with a shovel."
"I put my underwear on like anyone else. Backwards, two legs in one hole, falling down then decide it's easier to go without."
"I'm sending a whole bunch of emails to random Nigerians letting them know they've won the Canadian lottery."
"We have enough gun control. What we need is idiot control."