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Joke of the Day

"You say you're an atheist, yet you tell people they can ""go to hell!"" Make up your mind already."

"I told my doctor I broke my arm in 2 places today He told me not to go back to those places"

"I think unscented candles are bullshit... cuz every candle smells like something's burning. (Best read in a Hedberg voice.)"

"OK I made a new one! How do Mexicans warm their houses in the winter months? Central Fajiting."

"I'm such a heavy sleeper that i still wouldn't wake up even if you... shot me in the face"

"You know what they say when you gamble with Chinese food, you dim sum, you lose some."

"Grammar Nazi If somebody who is really anal about proper grammar is called a Grammar Nazi, is someone who constantly makes grammatical mistakes a Grammar Jew?"

"What do you call a scary philosopher? Aristartle"

"I think what I did to get away from that spider could qualify as parkour."

"Washington DC's IQ is the same as the Federal Reserves interest rate Theyre both negative."