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Joke of the Day

"Everyone always wants to date the hot crazy chick.....Till you're standing outside watching your house burn."

"two peanuts were walking down the street. one was a salted."

"Straight people... are fucking pussies."

"""that's me in the corner."" - r.e.m. explaining how facetime works"

"If the waitress doesn't have a visible tattoo the restaurant is usually too expensive for me."

"All police should quit, just to teach us a lesson. We'll beg them to beat and gas us, but they'll be like nope, you didn't appreciate it"

"How can you tell if a man has a high sperm count? The girl has to chew before she swallows."

"Legend of Tarzan 2: Tarzan meets other primates. He befriends them all. He teaches them to fight. It's a prequel to Planet of the Apes."

"What did the Soviet man have to say about the Nazis? U SS R the worst"

"What do you call a gay man who just got fired? A canned fruit!"