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Joke of the Day

"Why was Nancy always on top when the Reagans made love? Ronald Reagan always fucked up."

"As a mom of 18 & 20 year olds: save while your kids are young, then at graduation, buy yourself a new car & send them to community college."

"Bruce Willis marks his height on his bedroom wall. He started doing it 2 years ago & it's just an increasingly thick line at the same height"

"The concept of Santa is great because you can give your kids crappy gifts and they only have themselves to blame."

"I was going to join the debating team in high school, but someone talked me out of it."

"What does the fan of a shitty rock band, which canceled a gig in his city, say? ""I want my Nickel back!"""

"At first I thought the Chinese restaurant canceled my reservation... But then I realized I went to the Wong one."

"Bernie Sanders is a true socialist He's taking the delegates he's earned and giving them to somebody who is struggling to earn their own."

"A Doctor told a man he had chronic constipation. His response.. ''No shit!''"

"I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It's obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola."