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Joke of the Day

"As a mom of 18 & 20 year olds: save while your kids are young, then at graduation, buy yourself a new car & send them to community college."

"Why was the vampire's girlfriend mad at him? Because she couldn't finish her sentences. Why couldn't she finish her sentences? He kept eating her periods."

"where do y'all wanna go tonight? Bars? The club? ""THE BOG OF DESPAIR"" Gary, after the forest of skulls debacle you don't get to pick anymore"

"Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don't wanna have to explain why I'm in your Random Party Pics 08 album at 4am."

"I'll go to extreme lengths to get the last bit of toothpaste from the tube but I'll also watch 2 hrs of Nick Jr if I can't reach the remote."

"the chipotle guy who never charges me extra for guacamole even though there's a big G on the foil. what are we?"

"How to prove JokeExplainBot is actually a human?"

"Why are black people so tall? Because their knee grows..."

"""A wine please"" ""Sir, this is McDonalds..."" ""Okay, a McWine please"""

"I paid My 11 old $10 to do the dishes, so on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson."