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Joke of the Day

"At first I thought the Chinese restaurant canceled my reservation... But then I realized I went to the Wong one."

"*Me ordering food, wearing a new white shirt* I'll have whatever is the most splattery and red"

"I asked to switch seats on a plane because I was sat next to a crying baby. Apparently that's not allowed if it's yours."

"Every time I watch cartoons I imagine how badly they must reek of B.O. because they're always wearing the same thing."

"I'm a screamer Not sexually just life in general"

"Why don't people in Kuwait know who Obama is? Because they've been living under Iraq."

"What is the difference between you and school tomorrow? I'm not going to come into school tomorrow."

"How much does a hipster weigh? ....An instagram."

"My roommates get angry when I steal their kitchen utensils But frankly, thats a whisk I'm willing to take."

"7/11 Was a part-time job."