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Joke of the Day

"Laziness Level: I get jealous when it's bedtime in other countries"

"This year, measuring your accomplishments against Lindsay Lohan's will ensure you feel like a winner merely for avoiding the penal system."

"[Jedi Academy] Why do you want to be Jedi? [Imagines using 'the force' to steal everyone's cats and building a cat army] To keep the peace"

"I went for a depression test. Came back negative."

"My roommate told me my clothes look gay. I told him to have some respect. They just came out of the closet."

"Girl, are your legs tired? Cuz you were running through my dreams all night and you did some amazing parkour & also kicked a judge to death."

"Want to hear a joke about potassium? K. I was gonna tell a joke about sodium but then I was like, Na."

"The inventor of auto-correct has died His funfair will be next monkey."

"I get really sad whenever I go to Florida It just seems to be a tropical depression"

"Why wasn't Christ born in Italy? They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."