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Joke of the Day

"Girl, are your legs tired? Cuz you were running through my dreams all night and you did some amazing parkour & also kicked a judge to death."

"Why did the hipster drown? Because he went ice-skating before it was cool ( )"

"""Why are you wearing?"" - existentialist reporter on the red carpet"

"Lol ""I'm not a pervert, I'm just a connoisseur of ass and titties."" My response after a female co-worker called me a pervert for commenting on a customer's ass as she walked past us."

"What if the Bible had a major typo and the Devil was really after our SOIL? Maybe he just wants to grow some pot plants."

"When is a rabbi dishonest? July"

"Girls say they want a guy who is funny and spontaneous, but... when I tap on the window late at night dressed as a clown, they scream and call the cops."

"What did the Monkey say when his bath was too hot? Ooh-Ooh-Aah- Aah"

"A good lawyer, Santa Claus, and an honest politician enter an elevator. They see a five dollar bill on the ground. Who picks it up? Santa. The other two don't exist."

"Top Fears 1.Walking on manholes 2.Driving, hit a deer, windshield breaks, deer caught and frantically bucks me to death 3.Christopher Walken"