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Joke of the Day

"What is 13 inches long, has a purple head and makes a woman scream all night long? Crib death."

"[grocery store with 2yo] Cashier: your son is so cute. What do you want to have next? Me: a vasectomy"

"Wow, this article looks awesome.*clicks link**finds out it's a slideshow**throws computer out the window*"

"My gym instructor says that Warm-Ups are extremely necessary. So, I brought donuts along this time but I can't find the microwave oven."

"Women and not being attractive If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive."

"I recently switched to an all Middle Eastern diet and can't say I recommend it I falafel."

"Why did leeroy Jenkins cross the road To get the chicken"

"Why are there so many women archeologists? Because they love digging up the past."

"What's the difference between a baby and a watermelon? (Kinda dark) One's fun to smash with a hammer, the other is a delicious snack."

"I wish people would stop making fun of me for being fat. I have enough on my plate as it is."