180224

Joke of the Day

"How did the Hulk's mind blow? Somebody threw a bone very far and Hulk yelled ""HULK GET IT! HEY WAIT."""

"How many dead babies do you need to paint a wall? Depends on how hard you throw them"

"Highway to Hell is my favorite wedding song."

"When I die, can you do me a favor and tell my wife that I loved her? Thanks. Oh and delete my tweets. My password is thisbitchiskillingme."

"What do you call a turtle who sleeps during the day and is awake at night? Nocturtle"

"*points at houseplant* no, YOU have a drinking problem!!"

"I always think the same thing when I find a Zubat and when I meet a stuck-up woman... I'm not wasting my balls on that!"

"ME: let me be frank DAD: [eyes widen] ME: and if you say hi Frank I'm dad, I'm gonna be real pissed DAD: fair enough GonnaBeRealPissed"

"Life takes you where you are meant to be. Apparently I am meant to be poor with a ton of education and experience."

"Did you hear about the vampire who had an eye for the ladies? He used to keep it in his back pocket."