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Joke of the Day

"*practices like 1000 times in the mirror* [at Starbucks] ""One grander none-fatty flaparinno"" barista: ... ""I'll try again tomorrow"""

"Do you know the difference between a birthday cake and giving a blowjob? No? Well, happy birthday!"

"Spider van Spider van How do spiders drive a van? 10 on top 10 below Where would you like to go? Get in. Get in the Spider Van."

"Friend at the pub says: if they ever make a film on Oscar Pistorius, it shouldn't be called 'Bladerunner', it should be called.... Taking the Pisstorius."

"OMG you got a new boyfriend? congratulations, who is it this week?"

"Answer your phone, ""come in"" just to mess with people once in a while. Count how many seconds it takes for them to respond."

"If you're american in the living room, what are you in the bathroom? European!"

"Why does the boy could not bend his knees? because he had no knees"

"Just had a very embarrassing misunderstanding with my new Irish girlfriend. Turns out she just wanted me to take her in the Yaris."

"Man with five penises As the man with five penises put on a condom, he sighed. ""Fits like a glove."""