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Joke of the Day

"How many mice does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 2, unless they're small enough to fit a third in there."

"An opinion without 3.14 ...is just an onion. "

"If I had a penny... ...for every time people screwed up their punchline. I'd be one penny richer now."

"Why did the snowman smile? ...because he saw the snowblower coming."

"Misery loves company, and apparently that's why my parents invite me over every Thanksgiving weekend."

"I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week."

"Happy 48th B'day Quentin Tarantino. Stuck for a gift? Start his party with lots of boring conversation and then suddenly kill everyone"

"What do you call a pothead that murders? Stonedface killer."

"Chuck norris is so fast that he can run around the world once and kick himself in the back of the head"

"{after you tell me about your horrible, yet life altering near-death experience} ""Have you seen my charger?"""