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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a pothead that murders? Stonedface killer."

"What's the difference between a gun and a wife? You can silence a gun."

"Why is the white guy the scariest guy in prison? You know he's guilty."

"BOSS: you're an hour late GUY WHO'S ABOUT TO INVENT DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME: oh you haven't heard?"

"When I get in a crowded elevator I can't stop myself from trying to guess everybody's weight."

"An Italian classics professor... ...goes to a tailor to get his trousers mended. The tailor asks: ""Euripides?"" The professor replies: ""Yes. Eumenides?"""

"The Windows Update reminder to restart your computer is like a little kid. You tell it that you'll restart later, so it goes away, then it pops up again in two minutes and says ""Ok, it's later!""."

"I follow my mother's advice and make little things count... Although I'm not sure if she meant me teaching midgets math."

"Why did the bait-shop owner take an apprentice ? He wanted to be a master-baiter."

"Donald Trump Is proof that Willie Wonka had sex with the Oompa Loompas."