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Joke of the Day
"Pickling cucumbers isn't easy. I hear its cumbersome."
Next Joke
"*at lawyer's office* Me: I want to divorce my idiot wife, she's seeing a surgeon *idiot wife pops out from under desk* that's so not true!"
"What I say: Play outside. What my kid hears: Find a spot in the yard where I can't see you so I constantly imagine you've been kidnapped."
"What do you call a smart pig? Swinestein."
"From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman's voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it's working."
"I'm glad i know sign language It's pretty handy"
"What do vegetables that go to college do on the weekends? They Turnip"
"[1st date] Waiter: Can I get you a drink ma'am ? Me: Wow really bro right in front of me?"
"Cop pulls over bad driver Cop- sir do you realize how badly you were switching lanes? Guy- sorry officer, I'm drunk af Cop-that's not a valid reason to let your girlfriend drive the car"
"I apologize and Im sorry mean the same thing... Except when you're at a funeral."