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Joke of the Day

"From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman's voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it's working."

"Wrapping presents takes a LOT longer when your kid sneaks up behind you & cuts off your arm with an empty wrapping paper tube lightsaber."

"When you anticipate, you make an ant out of I, ci and pate."

"There's a big difference between seminary school and semenary school."

"I measured my penis today and it said 11.7 inches. Then I realized the ruler was backwards. Credit to /u/TodoJaw21"

"If you! Use exclamation points!! This often! I want to! Smother you!! And your enthusiasm! With a pillow!!!"

"What is the difference between a refrigerator and little children? Refrigerators don't scream and cry when I put my meat in it."

"So I've been dating this anorexic girl... ...but lately I've been seeing less and less of her."

"Ok I just started watching House M.D.:nn1 Does everyone gang up and beat House's other leg?n2 does a rival Token come in to challenge Omar?"

"Experience is a cruel teacher. It gives a test before presenting the lesson."