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Joke of the Day

"Thanks to my recent change to a healthier lifestyle, I am no longer fat and ugly Now I'm just ugly"

"This is my stepladder... I never knew my real ladder."

"If you find me passed out in Austin this weekend with a penis drawn on my face at least have the decency to not tag me in the facebook pic."

"What did the soldier use to season his fries? A salt rifle."

"I like my women the way I like my coffee Light and sweet, but with lots of fucked up behind the scenes things that had to happen in order to produce them."

"Why do frat bros hate fruit loops? They're eternally disappointed by two-can Sam."

"How many redditors does it take to screw in a light bulb? Only one, but an extra 15 to repost."

"But I would walk 500 miles and I would walk 500 more to be the man who walked 1000 miles to get away from you. I want a divorce."

"What's the difference between a woman and a toilet? A toilet can become president."

"Going to the toy store, pressing the ""TRY ME"" button on a toy and the fucking thing wont stop...So you just try to get the fuck out of there like nothing happened."