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Joke of the Day

"CW:my husband doesn't understand me at all. What about yours? Me:I wouldn't know... I don't talk to him about you..."

"Interviewer: Do you plan on having children? Me: I have four, why start now?"

"What does James Bond say after a heavy workout? I would like to have Whey. Shaken, not stirred."

"I was so happy when I got my first pubic hair! But instantly saddened when I realized it was just my penis :(..."

"Are you a power tool? Because i'd really like you to screw my holes *Pickup line a woman should use*"

"Bully: ""Hey, four eyes!"" Me: ""Don't you mean... fork eyes?"" [Turns around. Stabs bully with forks tied to glasses. Becomes class president.]"

"A conversation I had with an abusive child philosopher >ACP: What is love? >Me: Baby, don't hurt me."

"Anyone who can tell if they're speeding up or slowing down a ceiling fan on the first try is a wizard and should not be trusted."

"I asked a librarian About some books about Pavlov's dogs and Schroedinger's cat. She said it rings a bell, but doesn't know if it's here or not."

"In dog beers, I've only had one ..."