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Joke of the Day

"The worst part about being narcoleptic is that you constantly get interru"

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"Why do you call the US government when a blizzard of secret information gets released? They're snowed-en!"
"If I squint really hard, nope. You're still an idiot."
"What type of fruit do twins prefer? Pears."
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"Driving isn't even in the top 5 things I'm thinking about when I'm driving."
"Ya know...If heat rises.. Heaven just might be hotter than hell."
"I still can't believe it when someone in the bathroom stall next to me is talking on the phone I mean, who TALKS on the phone"
"My wife went to see a spiritualist last week. I asked her ""how did you rate her?"" She said ""medium."""
"I may not be smart and I may not be skinny and I may not be tan and I may not be cheerful and I may not be tall and I may not be sober and I"