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Joke of the Day

"all right class welcome to Intro to Sitting 101. everyone have a seat. *confused whispering among class*"

"As advertised I opened a can of evaporated milk today. It was empty."

"What happened to the fireman who let the house burn? He got fired."

"I have gotten outta bed 365 days a year for 37 years. That is 13,505 sit-ups. And not ONE ab to show for it."

"So I was walking home from work.... And I saw this black guy carrying a tv and I thought it was mine but then I ran home and mine was still there shining my shoes."

"Football legend Michael Owen has announced he's releasing a new fragrance It's going to be called ""My Cologne""."

"My friend said he was going to become a mime I haven't heard from him in a while"

"Spent all day at Legoland with my son during Star Wars weekend. Gushed like a fangirl when I met Darth Vader. He's my Justin Bieber"

"I wait til the mailman comes to send all my emails in front of him while keeping eye contact and whispering ""Your end is nigh, letter boy."""

"I really don't understand why people think mayweather is so great I'd much rather have June weather"