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Joke of the Day

"I bought a Christmas tree today and the guy asked me Will you be putting it up yourself?' I told him, No, you sicko, it's going in the living room!'"

"What sort file do you you need to turn a 1.5 inch hole into a 4.5 inch one? A pedo-file."

"How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh? TEN-tickles TEN-tickles! I find it funny how most people say eight."

"What makes light beer and having sex on a canoe essentially the same thing? They are both fucking close to water."

"Are you a cop from New York? Because you take my breath away."

"All these people on FB posting pics of their kids makes feel so blessed...I don't have ugly children."

"What's the word that starts with 'n', ends with 'r', and you wouldn't ever want to call a black guy? Neighbor"

"When I call her ""Hun,"" it's not short for honey. It's short for Attila."

"Weird how people always die in groups of 3's... or 5's or 78's or however you group them cause there's lots of people & we all die."

"Friends may come and go, but friends with benefits cum and go"