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Joke of the Day

"[Cat birthday party] *Cat opens gift from her husband* ""It's...an empty box."" *silence* ""Oh honey, I love it!"""

"""My eyes are up here"" ~ The last words heard by any guy who checked Medusa out."

"the last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the statue of liberty"

"What do Amy Schumer and a tampon have in common? They're both stuck up cunts."

"10 reasons why doctors use defibrillators... Number 4 will shock you!"

"When a woman tels you it's five minutes, then it's five minutes. Don't need to ask her every quarter of an hour."

"My wife said I'm an idiot who can't do the simplest of things right So I packed her bags and left."

"What is the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? ... I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face. Edit: Whoa, I knew this was a great joke but didnt expect this. Thanks!"

"What did the 11 year old junior paleontologist and 50-cent music lover with cancer receive from the one wish foundation? A Rap Tour"

"Is it solipsistic in here? or is it just me?"