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Joke of the Day

"When a woman tels you it's five minutes, then it's five minutes. Don't need to ask her every quarter of an hour."

"What is the difference between a female blond and a female mosquito? A female mosquito can raise a family when she is done sucking."

"Every time I drive by a church my Praydar goes fucking ballistic."

"I miss the days before the internet, when you didn't know some person's every awful thought until they died and you cleaned out their attic."

"Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Because they are ugly and they stink."

"A new scientific study regarding pizza determines who is most susceptible to burns. Turns out it is the Hipsters because they eat it before it's cool."

"Say what you will about terrorism in Europe At least our planes take off and land at an airport."

"It's HOMOsapiens, not HETEROsapiens. It's the Bi-ble, not the Straight-ble."

"[Dinosaur Rap Battle] We're gonna win this for sure! ""Wait, what kind of dinosaurs are we again?"" WE'RE RAPTORS! Jesus Christ Owen"

"(Works better spoken) The seaman was asked what he was doing when he got out. He said when he got discharged he'd be buried in pussy."