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Joke of the Day

"I keep hearing so much talk about ISIS right now... They're really blowing up."

"What do a good joke and a child with cancer have in common? They never get old."

"What's the internal temperature of a Ton-Ton? Lukewarm."

"JESUS: [walks on water] JUDAS: Actually, the body is 60% water so it's only 40% miracle JESUS: You're killing me, Judas JUDAS: Actually.."

"Every time I see anteaters in a restaurant, they always order the same thing."

"I donated $4 to Bernie's campaign I gave someone reddit gold."

"I'll be tweeting telepathically today, so if you think of something funny, that's me."

"What's the difference between my guitar and my girlfriend? My guitar doesn't yell at me when I snap it's g-string"

"I earned a masters degree and a doctorate; I have $413.21 in assets. Weird Al Yankovic is worth 11 million. Kids, don't stay in school."

"What dogs never get lost? Newfound-lands!"