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Joke of the Day

"I would've been terrible in 50 Shades because the second a guy said ""I don't do romance"" I would laugh and be like NOBODY SAYS THAT BYE"

"I bought a wash basin from a skydiver today. And tomorrow he's going to *plummet* in for me."

"if you whisper ""snapchat"" in the mirror 3 times a white girl will appear and say ""hold on let me grab my Bacardi before you take the pic!"""

"""We're not so different, you and I,"" Mitt Romney said to a stack of white printer paper."

"Brothels in Thailand have a red and white striped pole outside like a barbars shop! I didn't know! Imagine my shock when I went in and asked for a 'number 2 all over'"

"The best curve on a girl is her smile... Naw just kiddin, look at dat ass."

"You know why some people wear socks with sandals?Cos they've never been punched in the head for it.If you see an offender,do the right thing"

"Is your refrigerator running? Cause I might vote for it."

"Saying you like one political party over another, is like saying one filthy whore is prettier than the other filthy whore."

"My child: Mom, there's a monster under my bed. Me: ""That's impossible, they're all running for president right now."""