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Joke of the Day

"""We're not so different, you and I,"" Mitt Romney said to a stack of white printer paper."

"As a pot smoking narcissist, my life is all smoke and mirrors"

"What's the difference between JFK and Bill Clinton? One got his head blown off, the other was assassinated"

"What did one boob say to the other boob? You're my breast friend"

".@Garfield because of your ""cartoon"" I fed my beloved Mr. Turtle lasagna & coffee for his birthday & he died. I will fuck your soul."

"Did you hear about the bear attack at that Chinese Zoo? It was Pandemonium."

"Soles Never buy shoes from a ginger. They have no soles"

"I'm going to save my resolution for 2015, I think I want to be an asshole for another year."

"*phone rings* SATAN: Hey I bought your soul on Craigslist last week? ME: No returns SATAN: Please. It's making me sad"

"What did the kid with no arms and legs get for Christmas? Cancer"