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Joke of the Day

"What is the difference between a woman and a forklift? There is none. In both cases, if you don't have one, you unload by hand."

"Why did the programmer visit the city tour? Because they were handing out guides for the deaf."

"I'd be less scared of trying to take a gun from a mugger than I am of taking an iPad from my kid."

"You say tomato. I say tomato. Our eyes meet. We've decided on the perfect name for our baby"

"You must have been born on a highway... Beacuse that's where most accidents happen"

"For people with a gluten allergy, it's kind of like kryptonite, except Superman didn't find a way to mention it in every conversation."

"If you're having second thoughts, you're 2 ahead of most people."

"Me: I had to take your hamster back to the shop Son: Why [nervous because I accidentally ran him over with a lawnmower] Me: He's a racist"

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?.. **RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!**"

"I dropped a piece of cheese on the airplane and i know it rolled forward and some piece of shit in first class is enjoying it now"