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Joke of the Day

"[nabisco hq] ""Wheat Thins sales are down we need ideas"" *raises hand* ""anyone else?"" ... ... ""ok Dan, but I swear to god if u say-"" Wheat Thicks"

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"I saw a group of children crying during my visit to Kiev so I said, ""What Ukraine for?"""
"My father gave me the greatest gift anyone could give another person, he believed in me."
"What's the difference between you and a calendar? A calendar has a date for Valentine's Day."
"Blue cheese dressing makes anything a salad. For example, this french fry salad I'm eating right now"
"Why couldn't the hipsters save the hippies? They were too far out."
"Guys, don't tell 9/11 jokes. They're just plane wrong"
"cute girl just saw me try to walk and drink water at the same time so dating her is off the table now"
"[holding my aunts stupid idiot baby] what sound does a cow make ""moo!"" good now a dog ""woof woof!"" 2 for 2. now...WHERES THAT MISSING PLANE"
"3 legged Dog A 3 legged dog walks into an old western salon, looks around, and says ""I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."""