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Joke of the Day

"Because Washington passed gay marriage today I threw my human wife in the garbage, fucked 2 donkeys & married a rotisserie chicken."

"if ur date declines a kiss at the end of the night open ur mouth and let the ants escape. Then say ""it's ok I had a mouthful of ants anyway"""

"""I'm so hard right now"" - math"

"What's the difference between testicles and a penis? Wow. I can't believe you don't know this. There is a Vas Deferens between the two."

"I'm giving away parachutes for free. No strings attached."

"What do you say to your girlfriend with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told her twice."

"Drink responsibly? Responsibility is why I drink."

"*wakes up from surgery How did it go? Surgeon: Good, your nose only lit up twice"

"What do you call a pilot who tries to tell a joke but gets distracted and crashes his plane into a building? A comickaze"

"I was really upset when I lost my paper towels I was SO upset that they had gone missing that I had to hire a BOUNTY hunter *ba dum tss*"