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Joke of the Day

"*wakes up from surgery How did it go? Surgeon: Good, your nose only lit up twice"

"[heaven's IT department] Ok, I see why your computer's crashing. Have you been closing doors again? God: Yes, why? Too many open windows"

"My girlfriend said she's leaving me because I always relate everything to Batman. What a Joker."

"Oscar Pistorius is soon getting out of jail. 10 months without sex, you should hide, ladies. But for the love of God, not in the bathroom."

"A guy who hates vegans, a guy who hates atheists, and a guy who hates people who do crossfit walk into a bar. And I know this because they won't shut the fuck up about it."

"What's the difference between a worm and an apple ? Have you ever tried worm pie ?!"

"I joined a 12-step program for people addicted to 12 step programs, Anonymous Anonymous. The 1st step is admitting you don't have a problem."

"A black man with a parrot on his shoulder walks into a bar, and the impressed bartender asks: ""Where'd you get that? "" The parrot shrieks.... ""*AFRICA!*"""

"How many Freudians does it take to change a lightbulb. Two. One to hold the light bulb and the other to hold the penis. I mean mother. Shit, I mean ladder."

"Why did the amoeba flunk the math test? Because it multiplied by dividing."