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Joke of the Day
"My wife looks like the cats in those cucumber videos when she turns around & sees me naked."
Next Joke
"Scientists are dumb. A meteor didn't kill the dinosaurs. I've been to the museum. It's obvious they starved to death."
"Hubs and I have fought so much lately I've lost 10 lbs. I thought about leaving him, but I'd like to lose another 10 lbs first."
"the best part about arguing with family make up sex"
"What do you call a girl who expects a guy to do everything for her, make all the first moves, and text her first every day? SINGLE."
"Things that are dangerous- -riding a motorcycle -sharks -riding sharks"
"Every time I think I finally have the life I always dreamed of....I wake up."
"1) Put on chicken costume 2) Go to store to pick up eggs 3) Run up to store manager and emotionally scream ""WHO DID THIS TO MY CHILDREN????"""
"I delete enough tweets to know I should never get a tattoo."
"Who is the biggest prostitute alive? Mrs. Pacman. For 25 cents she'll swallow balls until she dies."