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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a woodpecker with no beak ? A headbanger !"

"I remember directing a play and I thought I'd spice it up a bit by adding a lesbian shower scene... Some say I'm the fresh and bold thing that theatre needs, others that I ruined the nativity."

"""Hi can I just have a single burger?"" I'm sorry, all of our burgers are in a relationship ""But that's not eve- Please show some respect"

"I just bought an answering machine and it doesn't work. Or maybe I'm just asking it the wrong questions."

"Soviet Monopoly ""Go to gulag! Go directly to gulag! Do not pass go, do not collect food stamps and vodkac"

"Pakistani math problem. Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes. He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the explosion."

"I was in bed with my boyfriend Ernie last night, and he said to me ""Soph, you got no tits and a tight box."" I said to him ""Ernie get off my back."" h/t: Bette Midler"

"Hey sports fans, here's my NCAA pick: bet it all on the Savannah College of Art & Design. Go Fighting Acrylics!"

"Why is the ocean salty? Because the land doesn't wave back"

"COP: u were swerving a lot so i have to conduct a sobriety test ME: ok COP: lets get taco bell ME: no COP: text ur ex ME: no COP: ok ur good"