174020

Joke of the Day

"I remember directing a play and I thought I'd spice it up a bit by adding a lesbian shower scene... Some say I'm the fresh and bold thing that theatre needs, others that I ruined the nativity."

"Mechanic: the front shocks are shot. Did you hit a pothole? Me: yes but I winced, patted the dash & said I was sorry so it can't be that."

"If Pluto isn't a planet because it's too small... then do you really have a penis?"

"Why did the reddit mod cross the road? [removed]"

"Why are bank offices so cold? They're trying to freeze their assets."

"I'm like the packaging on a CD really hard to get off but it doesn't matter because no one wants you anymore"

"BLIND DATE TIP FOR WOMEN: Throw a fork into the wall behind ur date so he has to turn around, to make sure he doesn't have a hidden ponytail"

"I'd make jokes about midgets, but that would be little of me."

"A blind hooker tried to give me a BJ once she said I had the biggest penis ever. I said ""Ha, you're pulling my leg"""

"What's the cheapest present for an ophan? A tattoo with dad"